Resistance

Some Thoughts About Resistance

Resistance is that response which rises up in each of us when we know what we should or shouldn’t do, but can’t quite do or not do it for reasons we often don’t understand, and sometimes can’t even see. I’ve been thinking a lot about resistance lately because I’ve been working with a personal trainer after four years of enforced physical inactivity. Severe breathing problems, which were caused by a leaking toner cartridge in my laser printer, took four long years to heal and, during that time, I became more and more sedentary and out of shape. Now, even though I can finally breathe most of the time without medication and I have a strong commitment to getting fit again, there are many moments when all I want to do is weep and give up. I want to collapse and stop and just get away from the discomfort of using muscles I haven’t used for such a long time.

When resistance arises, what all of us are saying-or at least thinking-is essentially the same thing: ‘I know I need to change, and I do want to be different-at least I think I do. But please don’t make me work too hard. I really just want to make a little effort and wake up a different person.’ This is such a human thing and nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed by. It’s a natural part of the process of change and growth.

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Feeling Your Feelings

Many of us come to therapy because of trouble feeling our feelings. We are blocked emotionally or creatively. Some of us may have trouble sleeping. Some may be suffering because of feelings of isolation or alienation, while others aren’t finding pleasure enough in sex. Whatever the nature of the complaint, as we delve beneath the surface, we will most likely find the fear of falling apart at its core.

Most of us weren’t taught how to give up control of ourselves. In fact, most of us have learned that giving up control of ourselves is wrong, or a bad thing to do, and we’re terrified of the very thought of it. Therefore, we invest a great amount of our energy into holding ourselves together, holding on to our feelings, and into controlling our impulses.

Some of us succeed so well we lose touch with ourselves-sometimes falling into depression and despair. Others among us partially succeed at holding everything in until we are swept up in a flood of emotion or an angry explosion. Some rebel against the very notion of control, raging all over the place, losing friends, marriage partners, jobs, and credibility.

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