Making Choices
I realized recently that there is a developmental piece of the recovery process—i.e. the process of becoming a separate Self—to which I’ve given too little focus. This recognition came about after I invited my elderly parents to come to Fairfield to live with me and they accepted my invitation.
A number of people have responded to my news with comments like: “Oh no! How can you even think of doing that?” and “That doesn’t seem like you at all.” and “Are you sure you’ll be happy doing this?” These reactions have made me think about the work I do helping people individuate— helping them identify and speak up about their feelings, and take care of themselves and honor their own needs—and I realized that there’s something that comes after individuation and self- actualization. I’m not sure what to call it, but it involves saying “yes” to choices or commitments even when we know there will be discomfort, pain and difficulty for us if we do. It’s about making a choice because we know it’s the right thing to do.