Shame is an unrelenting feeling of not being wanted and of being unworthy of being wanted. This kind of shame is experienced whenever what you believe to be your “worthless”, “inadequate”, or “bad” self is threatened with being exposed and you feel in danger of being humiliated and rejected by others. Excessive shame is a prison. It keeps a person caged in feelings of worthlessness, self-hatred, and even despair.
There are several sources for shame, including our genetic and biochemical make-up, chronic depression, for example, our American culture, our families of origin, current relationships which are shaming in nature, and our own self-shaming thoughts and behaviors. It is very likely that excessive shame is what you’re dealing with if you are extremely self-conscious and often feel unable to speak or act. Shamed people often find themselves in awkward situations, wanting to escape but incapable of making themselves leave. Shamed people fear that if others really knew them, they’d be disgusted or hate them. People who have been shamed also dread being caught in a mistake of any kind. Some are constantly ready to see or point out the weaknesses of others, or often find themselves furious–inwardly or outwardly–over the slightest perceived affront to themselves or to their dignity.